enlightened moment

You know the scripture in D&C 88...
Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing; and establish a house, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God.  That your incomings may be in the name of the Lord; that your outgoings may be in the name of the Lord....

I've always just thought about this scripture as direction for how our homes are suppose to be.  In fact, I've written on the margin that Mike's bishop used this scripture to council with us before we got married.  Bishop Rose said we should set goals and have a clean and organized house from the beginning.  (I think I have kind of fallen apart on this in the last few years....time to recommit, I guess.)

Today in sacrament, the speaker used this scripture and was talking about our bodies.  He was talking about preparing yourself to go to the temple and stuff, then all of a sudden, I tune in and catch that.  It was like one of those lightbulb moments where you go, "Wait, what was that?!" And, then your mind starts racing thinking about what all those things would mean.

So, re-read it while thinking of your body being a temple and how we are suppose to be taking care of it, etc.

Ohhhhhh!  That is a whole different way of looking at it, yeah?

Taking Vicky's advice

So, I'm taking Vicky's advice and going to talk about how good I'm doing (thereby ignoring all that talk in the last post about being humble and  blah, blah, blah).  So, IF I read tonight and then I  will have read every day this week EXCEPT for Sunday and Thursday.  I'm giving myself a break for Thursday cause we went to the temple that night.  Of course, I did sleep MAJORLY through the middle part so I definitely should have read that night to make up for my sin.  But, it was my own family member name I was trying to do, so we we have our family reunion in heaven, I can fill her in on what she missed.  : )  Roberta Riley was her name.

So, I have to make sure to read tonight so I can be so awesome.

Ooops! Gotta repent already!

So, my very last post is about how much I feel like my testimony has grown, etc.  My next reading takes me to D&C 84:73 about how we aren't suppose to boast about gifts that you have.  I follow the footnotes on that--

"Neither boast of faith nor of might works"  (D&C105:24)  I didn't mean to be boasting, but I was feeling pretty mighty : ) so I suppose that was naughty.


Where is boasting then?  It is excluded.  By what law? of works? Nay: but by the law of faith. (Romans 3:27)
So, if I was faithful and really showing faith in God, I wouldn't boast.  Hmmm...is it a double sin if you boast about your increased faith in God?!  Double oops for me.

Put away from thee a froward mouth (Proverbs 4:24)    
At first I had thought it had said "forward mouth" which I understood to be "fresh or more of a "in your face" type thing.  (Yes, this does sound like me, unfortunately.)  Then I noticed that is not even what it says.  It said to put away thy froward mouth.  So, then I look up Froward mouth.   Froward is worse then forward!

"A froward mouth is a mouth that is not easily controlled. It's a mouth that speaks whatever it wants, whenever it wants..."  


OH NO!  I got this from a Christian ministry web site and it sounds JUST LIKE ME!  I could be totally attributed to a Froward mouth.


Dictionary.com has the following for froward:  willfully contrary; not easily managed:
—Synonyms 
obstinate, willful, disobedient, fractious, wayward, unmanageable,difficult.


In my heart, I  wasn't boasting with my previous post.  I was just "happy sharing".  So, I could justify those guilty feelings away.   But with this whole Froward mouth scripture, I am still totally pierced right thru the heart!!   If I ever decided to write my own Bible, I would have to put a picture of myself down in the footnotes after froward mouth.


And if you follow the footnotes from the Proverbs scripture you get to this one: 
Let the words of my mouth...be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord.  (Psalms 19:14)

Well, now that REALLY encompasses all kinds of problems I have.  I've even gone so far as to respond to my mother when she has chastised me for "trash talk" to say, "Yes, I know that isn't nice to say, but I have other sins I am working on now so I'm just going to keep talking trashy for now."  (See, that was very clever of me because she can't argue with that.  If she said I should be working on trash talk, that would indicate I should not worry about "my other sins" right then and that might be even worse!  So, she just gasped/grunted and held her peace.)

But, alas!  Now the Lord has called me to all kinds of repentence.  AND I've learned a new name to call myself.  Shakespeare has even written a big 'ol paragraph about a Froward wife and put it in the same sentence as peevish, sour and sullen (he was a woman hater, I think....At least, a wife hater for sure!).

Sigh.

Sunshine in my soul

So, I read The Hiding Place last week for a book club assignment.  I'd read it before, but it had been years.  I am so glad I read it again now.  I'm in a whole different place perspective wise!  Things jumped out at me that I may have forgotten from when I read it the first time, but I'm thinking it is just that I'm in a different place now and notice different things.

I marveled at their attitude and continuation to put their trust and faith in God.  Betsie was a near perfect person in attitude and deed anyway.  Corrie was a bit more "real" with nasty thoughts and anger sometimes.  She would self chastise herself though and found that when she asked God for help, she really was able to forgive or see things in a different light.   I was inspired at the amount of times God really did put miracles in their lives.  The whole story made me want to be a better person.

On Sunday, we sang "There is Sunshine in my Soul today" during our RS music time.  Our chorister read about the song's author and how she wanted to be able to share some of the joy she felt with having Jesus in her life.   She used such terms as "a carol to my king" and "sunshine" and "Springtime in my soul" etc. in an effort to convey that.

I feel like my testimony has grown so much since I've started trying to improve my scripture reading / studying.    I have definitely felt God's spirit in my heart more often.  I've felt things testified to me as I've been reading and so they have jumped out at me and strengthened me.  I've been able to use the things I've learned in my daily life.  I have felt more faith in God and truly more joy.   I am definitely a fan of Scripture studying--even though I still struggle with actually doing it.

At times, I've thought of the Christians you see sometimes that are so exuberant about God's love or being saved or whatever as taking it a bit "too far."  I mean, it IS good news and all, but there is a lot of work and sacrifice  that comes with it, too, you know?  I believe in Jesus and His atonement and I'm a happy person, in general, but I'm not feeling such overwhelming joy and happiness like they appear to be.

I have to say though, that lately I DO find myself feeling much more akin to the "Hallelujah, Praise the Lord  Christians" then I ever have before.  I feel even more gratitude then usual for all of HIS blessings.  I have thought and  wondered more about the Atonement then before.   I feel more of a need to put my faith in God.  Not just lip service, but actually action.  And, I feel more confidence that I CAN trust God in all things.  I think ALL of this stuff is because of scripture studying!!

When Hilary was talking about this Sunshine in my soul song on Sunday, I really related to what the songwriter was trying to say.  I DID feel that joy and happiness.  I think this really is from the scriptures.  I have got to keep up this habit!

What do you think about Sundays?

As of today, I have read 6 days in a row.  If you don't count Sunday.  I didn't read Sunday.  If I had, that would have been 7 days in a row.   So, if we have to be a big stickler then I am only on a 2 day stretch right now---yesterday and today.

I intend to read on Sunday, but I justify not reading easily because I DO read the scriptures a lot on Sundays.

I read them in Sunday School, I take notes on them, I check cross references, I make comments about them to the class. So, I do get scripture reading in....just not personal and private.

As far as my "record" goes though, I have just glossed over Sunday and pretended it wasn't there.  My all time record for reading every day without missing is 7 days.  That included a Sunday.  BUT, it was a Sunday I didn't go to church so it was like the "only religion" I got that day.  So, that probably made it easier to read.

 I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing.  As far as I'm concerned, I'm on a 6 day streak.   I think I deserve it because I didn't read yesterday until I was in bed last  night.  That is my worst time of all to read!  I didn't want to.  I knew I was too tired to try to read scriptures AND something fun (my normal "treat" for when I go to bed).   I brought my notebook and scriptures to bed with me though and did go ahead an read.  (Thereby forfeiting my opportunity to read something fun because I was too tired.)  Not even a 10 seconder, but a real life read.  Amazing.

Tomorrow will be 7.

Isaiah 40

I have to say that I am kind of rocking on Isaiah.    I'm starting to think maybe he is not an unsolvable puzzle.  Maybe Nephi wasn't so crazy to put so much of him in the BoM.  Mormon must have understood him too since he edited a bunch of stuff and still put him in also.

If you read like a whole chapter at a time, you're usually like "What the heck is he talking about?"  But, if you just try to read like a few verses, they can totally make sense.  And they are beautiful.  And powerful.  And uplifting.

Like starting with verse 28 in Isaiah 40.  He's like Don't you know that God doesn't get tired?  Haven't you heard that he doesn't wuss out?

"He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might, he increaseth strength.
They that wait and hope for  the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."
                       (v29-31 with the italics my own addition based on the footnotes).

I'm rolling now

Four days in a row!
Yow-za!
I'm rolling now!
I've done so bad for so long, that I got pumped up when I logged into my Google calendar to put on another "Yes!" and saw that it puts me up to 4 days consecutively.  I haven't done that for like a month.

I've really felt strengthened lately by my scripture reading, so maybe I'll be able to do better.   I'm also trying a "new schedule" this upcoming week in an effort to focus on the essentials more and use my time to do the things I actually want to do instead of so much of the things I just find myself doing.  Naturally, scripture reading falls into the essential category so I will hopefully do good.

Patience with others

You already know about the concept I'm going to write about, but it stood out to me today.  Now that I am on the road to "Spiritual Giantness", I'm amazed at all of the different things that really are addressed in the scriptures.  Those scripture loving "I go to the scriptures with all my problems" type people really might be on to something.  : )  Who would have thought?!

Starting in about verse 7, D&C 46 talks about gifts.  It starts out talking about how if we will seek after the best gifts from HF then we won't be deceived by evil.  Then it verse 10 it says we need to remember what the gifts of God are because people don't have the same gifts as each other.

From the gifts listed there, I started thinking about other gifts that people have.  Usually, we consider people that don't have the same gifts as us "irritating" or "frustrating."  You like things scheduled and they are a "go with the flow / what is a watch for?" type person.  You like to continue learning and they are pretty content to stay where they are and keep doing the same things they've always done.  And so on and so on.

Sometimes though, these frustrating traits of others is actually a good thing to have right then.  Verse 12 says different gifts aren't given to different people to drive us crazy, but so we can all benefit from them.  In example one, these people can teach you to relax and slow down so you are able to "Be still and know that I am God."  In #2, these people can teach you a lot about contentment and knowing when enough is enough.  Since some people have the gift of knowledge so they can teach others (v 18), who would they teach if everyone already knew everything?    The HARD PART, of course, is remembering these things so you don't get so irritated by their not doing "things right."

But, that is why God tells us to remember what His gifts are--so we can look at their differences in His light and appreciate them instead of wanting to change them.  Of course, people that can easily do that (not me) have a gift just in that.  I think it's awesome, but I definitely don't have it yet.

So, later it says that some people are able to have ALL of the gifts so they can lead others and be able to understand and work with everyone to others benefit.  Even though some of the gifts seem to contradict each other (faith TO heal vs. faith to BE healed), if you have them all, you would also have the gift of wisdom (which of course, if different then knowledge) and you would know when to use which gift.  That's pretty cool.  So, if you want them all (and haven't us women all been raised with that idea of "WE CAN HAVE IT ALL!"?) then you need to ask for the gift you want and see if it is God's will.

I know I need to work on seeing others in this light.  Some people already naturally look at others and appreciate everything they do that is different.  Some of us naturally want to go in and change them.  You've heard me jokingly say things like "When I rule the world...." or  "Well, if everyone would listen to me...."
but that is because I am not God like and obviously don't have all of the best gifts.   Because if I did, I would be saying things like.....

Hmmm, what would I be saying?  Such a hard concept to consider : )

How about saying things like "Isn't it wonderful to have such variety in our lives?" or "I just love it when people do the opposite of what I think should be done!  It gives me the opportunity to grow and learn SO much."  

O.K., really, I don't think I could EVER say something like quote #2 there.  At least not without a heavy dose of sarcasm.  I don't think sarcasm is listed as a gift.  But, if I ever get to the point of seeing only the good in others,  I suppose I'll be wise enough to be able to come up with my own, sincere comments and be able to say them without sounding even a little bit like a liar.  : )

 "Seek ye earnestly the best gifts, always remembering for what they are given."  v 8

Are we missing stuff?

So, I'm reading D&C 17 (cause I found my notebook : ) and it's got me really thinking....

It's to the men that would be the 3 witnesses to the BoM.  Read it while you're thinking about faith (it's only 9 verses) and then tell me what you think.  These are some of the things I noticed:  

v.2  It is by your faith that you'll get to see the plates.
v.3 AFTER you've obtained faith is when you'll see them with your own eyes.
v. 5 JS has seen them thru God's power because he had faith.

Then, I started wondering:
If they did NOT have faith and looked at the plates, would they not be able to see them?  (like magic)
Or does HF just mean that having faith is what makes them worthy to be in the same room where the plates are and so that is why they'll get to see them.

See, if it's question #1 that He means, then that leaves me to the idea that if we had more faith, we'd see things  too, that we now totally miss.  Would we be able to see Spirits?  We know it is by faith that Brother of Jared saw the hand of the Lord.  And then His entire self.     Is it just our lack of faith that keeps the veil over our eyes?  Or would that be there either way?  People talk about the veil "getting thin."  Is it because their faith has increased so much?

Even if we never did see the Spirit of a loved one gone or something, is there just more about us every day that we are missing?

How's this for stalling?

I can't read today because I can't find my little "Scripture Reading Notebook."  I'm hoping Dillon knows where it is. He was asking me what it was on Sunday when it was doing a nice job of laying on the sofa in plain sight.  We've done a lot of house cleaning since then (15th Birthday party tonight) so I'm  thinking someone has moved it to one of the million piles they've created for me in my "Scrapbook room / Office / I don't know where this goes, so I'll put it in Mom's Scrapbook room".

I've been taking notes as I read and I don't want to have to rewrite them if I keep reading about gifts, since that's how I track where I am, etc.  I suppose I could just read something else that I'm not tracking so carefully, so I think I'll hold up for the D to wake up and see if he knows where it is first.

Amazing Results

One of the best thing of writing a blog without many people reading it is you can say lots of things that you normally wouldn't because you'd be worried it would sound like you were bragging.  I do want to record this though because I think it is amazingly awesome.

So, my niece is 8 months pregnant and I get an email from her mom on Monday saying to pray for her because she and her husband might have opposing antibodies in their blood which would mean their baby could be in a wheelchair their whole life and such.  So stressful!  First of all, why wasn't this discovered earlier?!  She is due in less then a month.  Second of all, it's just stressful anyways.  I had just been to her house 2 days before for a baby shower where she got the cutest little things you ever seen.  To go from such cuteness, excitement,  and happiness to tummy aches, chest tightness,  and all encompassing thoughts swirling in my brain was just too much.  And, I'm not even the parents!

So, I did some research online and it was even worse.  A wheelchair would be a good prognosis--they could be looking at severe respiratory problems and probably early death because the child's muscles won't be strong enough to get her breathing well.

So, I'm learning all this stuff from the Grandmother---my sister.  I wanted to give a few words of hope to my niece---the mother of this baby (and her poor, sweet, innocent husband who I am sure was just as blindsided by this whole thing.)   But, it is like, what do you say?

Then I remembered a couple scriptures  I had read awhile ago and I remembered a story we talked about in Sunday School, too.  So, I came into my little scripture reading notebook and found my notes on them and send a little message up to my niece based on the following scriptures.
Isaiah 41:1
 2 Chronicles 20:15-17

She sends me back a message saying she appreciated it and she felt at peace that the Lord wouldn't give her more then she could handle, etc.  So, I was happy that she was feeling peaceful and glad my message was received in the way I meant it---to be helpful and encouraging and such.

That was all Monday.

Tonight, I am talking to my sister (so my neice's mom) and she thanked me for "whatever I sent up " to her daughter and said after she read it, she had come into where her mom was and said stuff about "Aunt Beth being so wise" (I only giggled a little at that one) and how after she had read what I had wrote, she really felt "at peace" and that things would work out o.k.

I did that!

Yes, this is the amazing results I am talking about!  I've been working on this scripture reading thing for less then 3 months and I have totally sucked at it for weeks at a time sometimes, but I was STILL able to actually help someone as a direct result of my efforts.  However piss-poor they have been at times.  Cause I can guarantee you that if I hadn't been doing this reading, I would have never thought about these scriptures.  Probably not even any scriptures at all.  And instead, I even had some idea of where to find them.

That is why God is so amazing.  He is so NICE!  He doesn't make you wait until you are really good at something to bless you---He is always being merciful and sending little tender mercies our way.  He sees our little efforts and blesses us for trying.  That is amazing.

O.K., and as a P.S., because I know you really want to know, but this isn't even the climax of the story, because regardless of the turn out, I had brought peace to someone because I had done a little bit of studying on my own. That's the climax!

The postscript is that niece went and did more blood tests and goes back in to the doctor for the results and such.  He insists she is FINE.  This little issue they found is nothing like nemaline myopathy and he doesn't know why she was even told that.  Her baby might be more susceptible to jaundice and anemia when born but they can totally handle that and he says my niece has absolutely nothing to worry about.     So, a miracle on top of all the other stuff even.

Now, isn't that a happy tale?  Yae!

Recalculating

We had a lady come to our Relief Society meeting the other night from the 12 step addiction recovery program of the church.  Our Bishop had told me that all of the steps are basically just using Christ's atonement in our lives every day so we thought the principles and ideas could be put to use for all people in all kinds of situations they are trying to improve on.  Besides substance or pornography addictions, there are patience, weight loss, financial prudence, anger management, negative self talk, etc.

The one thing that has stuck with me the most is her story about using a GPS in Italy.  Because of the GPS, she was able to find her way to lots of different places and see lots of things that she wouldn't have been able to find on her own.  Whenever she didn't follow the directions of the GPS exactly, it would say "Recalculating" and then come up with new directions from where she was right then so she could still get to the place she wanted to get to even though she hadn't followed the original directions.  

Sister Belnap said Heavenly Father is like a GPS.  When we let go of the Iron rod or make a wrong turn in our life, He doesn't yell "You're an IDIOT!" or "You're never going to get there, now!" or "You're on your own now, stupid!".  (That last one is probably something I would say...."Hasta la vida, baby!" and then delete their prayer line or something.)   Heavenly Father doesn't yell at us.  He just recalculates and tries to help us from where we are now.  It obviously takes a lot longer to take all these detours in life.  Sometimes you can make a U-turn right then.  Sometimes you end up having to go through scary neighborhoods or lots of windy roads in order to get back to the right road again.  No matter how long it takes though, Heavenly Father is still willing to guide you back to the right path.

Sister Belnap said sometimes you might have to recommit yourself over and over in the same day.  But, if you keep trying and keep trying to get better, He will keep recalculating and still guide you safely back.

Sigh.

I love that visual.

And so, I am letting Heavenly Father RECALCULATE for me and I'm back to trying to read and study my scriptures daily.  I have thrown scripture reading in a few times since the last time I posted (mostly the 10 second rule) but mostly I haven't read at all.  For sure, not at all in the past week.  I must have even pulled over for a milkshake or something and got lost in the city clamor of where I was because there was several days in a row when I didn't even think about scripture reading.  If it entered my mind before bed, it wasn't even hard to brush that errant thought aside.  "Yes, Yes, I'll put that on my To-Do list for tomorrow."

D&C 3:10  But remember, God is merciful; therefore repent of that which thou has done which is contrary to the commandment which I gave you, and thou art still chosen and art again called to do the work.

I've gotten in the car again and am heading back toward the road of Spiritual Giantness.  I think I just heard a voice say  "Recalculating".