Jesus Wept.

O.K., so last night I read John, chapter  11, Verse 35:    Jesus Wept.
But I read it 5 times, so I'm good.

HaHa,  I thought that was pretty funny.

Actually I went in and decided I was just going to read 5 verses, like I said, and I was going to do them from the Book of Mormon, because I needed something simple and easy to understand cause I was tired.  So, I grab the book and open it.  Well, it opened to Doctrine and Covenants, section 82. So, I'm like, "That's cool.  D&C is usually easy to understand also."

So, I started reading and read the WHOLE STINKIN' SECTION!!!  I know---I AM amazing!  And it wasn't even hard.    Of course, I know part of it was because I had gotten on the blog to whine about not wanting to read and I saw I had a comment.  Two, in fact.  My first customer!

The fact that it was my friend who knows about blogs and has one and I had sworn her to secrecy before I even told her I had started a blog and then asked her to read the blog and see what she thought did not damper my enthusiasm and excited even a little bit.  Her comments jazzed me up!  Who would have known I was so starved for attention?!  : )

Bad, Bad, Bad!

So, I get on just to say I didn't read today and it is technically Saturday anyways, so I'm just going to bed cause I'm tired and don't feel like doing any studying.  In the course of getting on to this blog, however, I read my emails, then commented on a Facebook link, and now I'm finally here just to say I am a sinner and I'm going to bed without reading.

Of course, I'm thinking in the 8 minutes I've sat here reading FB comments and commenting myself, I could have had a nice little decent scripture study session.   Grrr.  

I still don't want to.  I've been doing so good though.  If I skip the "study" and just read 5 verses or something, can that count?  Maybe I'll do that cause that won't make me too tired so I can't read the newspaper.  (I know, I know, I'm SO BAD.)  I'll tell you tomorrow if I make it 5 verses.  You'll have to decide yourself if that counts for my record or not.

Working out swimmingly

I have to say this blog idea is working out great for me, even though I haven't actually told anyone about it yet.
: )  (chick- chick-chick-chicken!)  I still feel a certain accountability to say what I've done, even though one is reading it.

So, it's not even 9 a.m. and I've already had scripture study.  I wasn't sure where I was going today, but the Bible opened to Isaiah. Generally, I avoid Isaiah because I usually have no idea what he is talking about.  I glanced at the chapter heading for 55 and thought it seemed easy enough to understand so I'll give it a shot and see how it goes.  It was a short chapter--how lost can I get?

I have to say, it went fine.  Great even, considering how much I avoid Isaiah and now I've read and studied a whole chapter (cross references, too!   I know, I know, Amazing!)

I couple things I was pricked by:

verse 2
I spend too much time "laboring for that which does not satisfy".  I've become increasingly irritated (and concerned) with my own ability to concentrate and stay focused on one subject.  I just go from one thing to the next and never really finish things.  It is like I have developed ADHD as an adult!  I was thinking the other day that I really need to start praying daily asking the Lord for help and if I still can't get a handle on it, I need to go to the doctor and talk to him about it.  This little problem is always in the back of my mind, swimming around, but I was thinking I need to pull it to the front and really focus on it and try to eradicate it.

verse 7
was just lovely.  "Let him return to the Lord.....for he will abundantly pardon"  
I love the word abundant---just overflowing with mercy, kindness and forgiveness.  What a great mental image!  See?  There is hope for everyone.  That's awesome.

Question:
What do you think the "sure mercies of David" (verse 3) mean?   I looked up the cross reference in Acts and it just used the same phrase without giving any more explanation.  So, I got out a New Testament commentary I have (by David Ridges) and he didn't say squat either.  I was disappointed.  Any insight anyone?  

Day 2 of success

You think you are going to read first thing in the morning and Poof!  that theory goes out the window.  It is 12:18 and I've just done a short scripture study.   Yae for me!

I know 2 days is nothing to brag about and I've certainly done "this well" before.  None the less, it is a start and before this blog I was having a hard time even getting the "start" started. So I'm good with the progress.  I am going to try to do it at a more peaceful time of the day though, so I don't have so many phone and kid interruptions.

I did it!

Just letting you know that I actually read scriptures yesterday.  It was about 3 p.m. before I did it, but I got it done.  AND I found my little notebook before hand, too.  It was smaller then I remember so it was hiding in a smaller place then I had thought it could be (like right in my skinny little night stand drawer). 

I started my study looking up repentance in the topical guide and reading various verses about it.   So, I read 2 Peter 3:9 by itself.  When you read the whole chapter, you get a different context of what it is saying, but when I just went straight to that very without any other context, it said to me that the Lord is not a wuss when it comes to making hard decisions and "punishing" for sins.  He is just patient and wants to give every person every possible opportunity to repent.  Since I need to do some repenting this week, I am happy for his patience.  But it was also good for me to be reminded that things are done in the Lord's time, not mine.  I shouldn't judge if people are "getting what they deserve" because I don't know their heart, intentions, and experiences like God does.  

Warming up

I woke up before my alarm so I figured that was God's sign to quit making excuses and get to work.  So, I am trying to "set up" now to read.

The problem is, I have a little "scripture notebook" that I would record thoughts and inspiration in the last time I recommitted myself to study every day.  Needless to say, there were only a few pages used in it and so I'd like to continue with that same notebook.

It's a worthwhile plan, I think.  But, now I am wondering if I'm at just distracting myself by looking and by the time I find it ( if ), there will be someone or something that needs me.  As it is now, I only have 6 minutes until my alarm was suppose to be going off (well, I had to lay in bed a few minutes, you know!).  So, I can still read a bit (my alarm was set to give me a little fudge time), but I do need to get with it.  So, no more lamenting---back to seriously looking.

Big L

I wanted to avoid posting, but I think that is cheating.
Day 1= Zero.
Big Loser.
(I did think about it multiple times while I was out doing errands, but we all know where good intentions get you.)

Good thing

Good thing this isn't a blog about not getting ticked off because I would already be a failure! My first comment isn't showing up on my screen. It's super long, too, so I've got this whole big blank space there. What the heck!?

I finally had to quit and go to bed last night without solving the problem. When it's a decent hour, I will have to call one of my blogging guru friends and ask them for help. The bad thing is, then you'll want to read my blog and I don't know yet if I'm "putting it out there" yet. That's scary. : )

The Idea

O.K., so I've never had a blog before. I know people who do and I read some of them (semi faithfully) and I've been told I should have a blog because I am SO opinionated about everything and love to tell the world everything I think. But, I am like, "No way. I offend enough people every day when they can hear my voice and measure inflections and tone and stuff. If they are just reading my stuff, without hearing my voice?! I'll offend everyone I know!"

But, today in church, Celeste Gledhill was teaching the lesson from Cheryl Lant's Conference talk and was saying how we have a pattern to follow in order to get our kids to be able to see the Savior's face. Because Sister Lant gave 3 things we should do. Celeste was saying she LOVES patterns and directions and she is open to all she can get. And I thought "I must be like that too, because I am all about 'THE DIRECTIONS'.

I think my husband should follow the directions when he is trying to assemble something ("what do I need the directions for? I have the picture on the box!") and people should follow the directions when they are trying a new recipe (them: It didn't turn out as good as yours. Me: Did you follow the directions? Them: yes. Me: Did you put in enough cumin? Them: I didn't have any of that so I just skipped that part.) and there are so many more examples of how I am a big believer in directions. (Personally, I have a good sense of direction, so I can pretty much find any place, but those that don't and then don't follow my directions.....or even worse---try to GIVE OUT directions...Good Grief!)

Anyway, I can't remember all the details about the mind trip I went on, but I remember Celeste talking about following a pattern and how if we set a goal and lay out that pattern and say, "This is what I want to become" then it is a lot easier to actually accomplish that goal. And so from there, I somehow got thinking about how much I suck at daily, personal scripture reading. And, I thought, maybe I should make that a goal (like I haven't tried that 1,000,000 times already), but if I set this goal and then BLOGGED about it then I would be inspired to actually have a good scripture study every day (or at least once a week or something) because it's so embarrassing (or at least irritating) to let everyone else know how much you suck. So, I would be inspired to stop procrastinating doing the WORK to develop a good scripture study habit. Because I know it's good for me. I know it makes my days better. I know I get totally uplifted by things I read and then I can carry that Spirit with me all the day. And I KNOW I TOTALLY NEED THAT SPIRIT IN MY LIFE! Like, I could really use it right now in my life.

Then I somehow jumped over into how some people are so sucky at Visiting Teaching. And if they really understood how important that is, they would do it much better then they are now. When you are RSP, and thinking about 100 different women all the time and hoping they are doing o.k. and worrying about them, etc. you really get to understand how important Visiting Teaching is. Because if I know someone has awesome VTers then I don't have to stress over them so much because I know that person knows someone loves them and is there for them, etc. And it is just so dang important for everyone to have a good friend. I totally believe that. It's so frustrating to see the names of the ladies that aren't Visited taught that month because they could so use someone to talk to, or strengthen them, or help them, or whatever.

I really have a strong testimony of visiting teaching and how important it is. There are people out there that totally suck at it, but read their scriptures every day in personal scripture study. And, of course, I suck at that. I think Visiting Teaching is way easier then daily scripture study and they probably think the opposite.

This friend of mine, (whom I shall call "Edward's Lover" so she can remain anonymous) has not been a faithful visiting teacher, but she has recently decided she is going to be. On a side note, I've wondered if this new commitment had something to do with me crying one day about how badly people need Visiting Teachers and Edward's Lover felt sorry for me, but I don't know if that's why.  Perhaps Edward's Lover keeps wanting to be a great VT like I dream of becoming a great scripture studier and she just flat out decided one day that she could do it, instead of like me who keeps saying "Tomorrow", but then chooses to read romance novels (or the newspaper or a magazine or cereal boxes or any other reading material) instead of the scriptures when tomorrow comes.

In any case, one day Edward's Lover says "I'm going to start being a good Visiting Teaching every month." And whenever the subject would come up about VT, Edward's Lover will just say "New Beginnings," and I know she is still working hard at developing this new habit.

So, as I was thinking maybe I could do a blog about my struggle to become a good scripture reader,  I thought maybe as people read how much I fail and struggle (which I am sure will happen frequently, but I hope not), they will be inspired to tackle their own problem and keep working at it, even when perfection doesn't come for a long time.

Soon, if this idea works (was it inspiration or just the ramblings of my mind during a RS lesson?), I'll become a great Scriptorian and you'll become an awesome Visiting Teacher and we'll all be on this total spiritual high and probably be translated or something! We won't have to worry about stress and balancing our day and driving kids to soccer games and such! We'll have left all that behind for the husbands to deal with! : ) Yae!

Naturally, I don't expect everyone else to be blogging about their own weaknesses---Most people have a higher sense of personal privacy then I do. Personally, I loved the comment from the High Counselor last week, "If all sin had an odor, we'd all stink." So true.  So true.  So, you don't have to tell the world what ever problem you are working on; I already know you aren't perfect. : )    (Even though some of you patient, kind hearted, giving, scripture studying people do seem pretty darn close to it!)

So, while you don't have to confess your own shortcomings, you could put out a little positive comment for me every now and then. Nothing too preachy of course....I haven't become a Spiritual Giant yet, so it might be irritating. : )                      (You know about the wicked taking the truth to be hard....)